…Of Dead Beat Dads and such

(This post is for the awesome men in my life.  SO, if you don't want to read it, go down & watch some inspirational videos I posted about Fathers.)

In a world where men are labeled with many negative titles that leave many of us to wonder or ponder, “are there any good men left in this world?”  The answer to that particular question is a resounding yes!  As I share with you some of the men that are “good” men in my life, I invite you to think of some men in your lives who have made a difference in your life.

I will begin with my father who was a good man.  He graduated from West Point and served in the Army for twenty years.  He sacrificed his time and family life in order to take up arms to protect the freedoms we enjoy today.  While I have never agreed with the Viet Nam War, my father was deployed there and fought to help bring freedom to the Vietnamese people.  And alas, we know the outcome of those efforts.  I have his journal of when he did his tour of duty over there.  Many pages are blank, yet they are numbered with counted days of being in that country.  When he did write something, it was usually to describe an illness he contracted or being shot at by snipers.  He instilled in me many values that I still hold dear today.  He taught me to respect and to honor.  He taught me to appreciate my freedom.  He infused in me values that I in turn have been able to pass on to my children.  He also taught me humor and to laugh~this being one of my favorite memories.  One of my favorite stories is when Mom told Dad he “was NOT funny!”  He was crushed as he prided himself on being extremely funny…and, he was!  He was quite the rebel rouser when he was a youngster and it is so fun to reminisce with cousins as they retell stories of “Hayden” when he was a lad.  Dad passed away on July 4, 2000, but I will be ever grateful to him for his example of being a “good man.”

My son, Aaron, is another example of a good man.  While he can be a bit headstrong at times (with me), he has a kindness and gentleness for his sweet wife Katie.  I love watching how he teases here incessantly.  He has taken up cooking, and together, Katie and Aaron create masterpiece recipes.  When asked if they have ever argued, he gives a resounding “No!”  He said he decided a long time ago that he just was not going to argue and to find a solution to prevent any such occurrence.  He jumps in and helps around the house.  He is a good loving husband.  I also love hearing stories of how he is able to reach those difficult patients with his wit and humor.  Everyone seems to like Aaron.  I am grateful to be his mother and to be able to learn from his example.

My SIL, Jeff is yet another example of a good man.  He is an incredible father.  I love to watch him play with my darling granddaughters.  I love to watch their eyes light up when he walks through the door at night.  He plays chase.  He plays hide and seek.  He takes them to the park.  He takes them on daddy/daughter date nights.  The list goes on and on.  Chelsea is pregnant with #3 and she has been a little cranky from being so tired.  Jeff put a pregnancy-tracking app on his phone.  When I was up north recently, Chelsea got a little grumpy with Jeff.  Instead of getting mad, Jeff pulled up the P-T app and looked at what week Chelsea was at.  He then read all the “symptoms” that pertain to that week of pregnancy and said, “ok, so this is normal.”  I could not stop laughing.  He has taught me much and I am grateful for his example of being a good man.

My other SIL, Richard is an example of a good man.  I have less experience with Richard as Rachel & Richard have been married a little less than a year.  But, he opens Rachel’s doors.  He helps her out around the house.  He likes her cooking and enjoys her new recipes.  I am grateful for him and his kindness to Rachel.

I don’t know why, but, I have also thought a lot about a cousin, Roger.  He and my father grew up together.  Roger is truly a good man.  He also has a sense of humor~it’s a Payne thing!  When Mom and I went out to visit Roger & Carol quite a few years ago, Roger put a remote control battery operated “fart” machine under the seat cushion of the couch Mom was sitting on.  Every time Mom got up, Roger made the machine sound off.  Every time she sat down, it went off.  Mom was pretty perplexed and finally said, “your cushions must be letting air go.”  Roger then showed his little contraption off and we all had a good laugh.  During that visit though, we were talking about different situations in life and some of the difficulties that were going along with them.  I will never forget Roger’s comment and I have seriously tried to implement this into my own life.  He said, “it is always better to ere on the side of gratitude.”  This is such a great way to live our lives…with the attitude of gratitude.  It softens our hearts and helps others as well.  I am grateful for this cousin who has imparted many wisdoms to me and exemplified goodness to all of us Payne’s.

Last, but certainly not the least, my good husband is a wonderful example not only to me, but also to his family and to our children.  I think Zach’s death has certainly amplified all of Mark’s attributes as a husband and father.  I have loved watching him as a father.  We all know that there is nothing like a Mother’s love, but I am here to tell you that there is nothing like a Father’s love as well.  When he was doing his internship, he would have to get up early and be to the hospital early.  Chelsea would get up early with Mark and eat breakfast with him every morning.  For Mark, that is a treasured memory.  When Mark would go to conferences at Snow Bird, he would take Aaron with him every year.  They would ski together every day and those are sweet memories for Mark.  Rachel wanted to learn to ski and Mark took her up the mountain to do so.  She was fearless and Mark had to get her to slow down.  She got mad at him and that tickled Mark.  He loved that time with her.  Then there was Zach.  Zach was the child he had the most time to spend with and that has turned out to be one of the biggest blessings with many treasured memories.  Mark taught Zach to ride the waves on a boogie board.  He taught him to golf.  He taught him to ski.  They would ride bikes together.  They would hike together.  Mark and Zach were inseparable and had a very special relationship.  You can tell that being a father has been fulfilling and one of life’s greatest blessings.  I am grateful for Mark’s example and all he has taught our children.  I am grateful that he loves our children and our family completely.

I am especially grateful for a Father in Heaven who has given me the great opportunity and privilege to live on this Earth.   He has blessed me with a family, an eternal family.  He gave us His precious Son, our Savior and Redeemer.   He has provided the way for us to return to Him one day and be reunited with those we love so dearly.  I have a deep love and gratitude to and for my Heavenly Father and my Savior.  We truly do not have to look too far to find the perfect examples of perfect men.

Each of us has many examples of “good” men in our lives.  I invite you to think about them with the “attitude of gratitude.”  Happy Father’s Day to ALL you incredible men!!!

The superhero in my life <3

Love this Dove add about Fathers

A song to bring it all home

I thought this was a cute video giving credit to ALL our Fathers do <3

My Greatest Blessings Are My Children

As I have been pondering this upcoming Mother’s Day, I have had MANY thoughts mulling around in my head, but especially in my heart.  If the truth must be known, my family is my heart, pure and simple.  I enjoy the blessings of being a mother because of my children.  I also reap the blessings of being a Nana because of my darling granddaughters.  As I ponder ALL these blessings, my heart is full and I feel the need to offer gratitude to those who have loved me unconditionally and have helped to qualify me for the grand position of “mother.”  This blog post is dedicated to those wonderful people I call family.

My mother, my father, my husband, each of my children & their spouses, and my grandchildren are a culmination of “why” I love motherhood. 

I am grateful that my parents endured my childhood and most especially my teenage years.  My mother’s example of unconditional love and sacrifice were my very first lessons on “how” to be a good mother.

Unconditional love, smiles, patience, appreciation, and more love are what I have learned from being a mother.  Here are some examples from my ordinary life:

When Chelsea came home from the hospital, after being born 2 months early, I had to wake her every 3 hours a) to feed her, b) to change her diaper, c) to pump, d) put her back to bed, e) clean-up everything, f) go back to sleep for at least an hour, AND repeat this process every 3 hours.  Although I was exhausted, she was the first to teach me about the very real caring of another human being…the caring for my child.  The blossoms of a mother’s love began with her.  She is now a mother herself, and I marvel in her natural abilities of focusing on her girls’ every needs.  I now have grandmother’s blossoms of love to add to my garden and they are wonderful.

When Aaron would tell stories about swimming with dolphins, or I would find him hanging (and screaming for someone to help him) from the 2^nd story roof of our tree house only to tell me that the wind blew him up there, or falling out the 2^nd story window of the beach house after his sister dared him to bare his butt out of it, or receiving a call from his high school teacher as he was being somewhat disruptive, I just knew there was a brilliant mind at work.  And, that has proven to be true.  He has grown to be a man a mother can be proud of.  From serving a faithful and successful mission, to graduating from college Summa Cum Laude, to being at the top of his medical school class, he has truly excelled in life.  But when I see how tenderly he treats his wife and jumps in to help her, I am filled with love and admiration for the man he is.  He not only taught me patience, but also taught me to relax, enjoy the ride, and especially to laugh.  He has also taught me that determination, focus, and steadfastness will help in achieving goals.  My blossoms of a mother’s love grew, and I had a garden that brought me great joy.

Every teacher, every professor, every employer always and forever had the most wonderful things to say about Rachel.  When in grade school, she would be found helping to feed the special needs students their lunch or playing with them on the playground so they wouldn’t feel left out.  In second grade, she would often be found reading stories to her class members.  She genuinely cares about people.  Her pure kindness and compassion has blossomed and led her in a direction to help and lift others.  One of her teachers once told me, “your daughter is not only smart, beautiful on the inside and on the out, but you can tell she has God in her life.”  And again, my blossoms of a mother’s love grew and I loved my garden.

Our youngest Zach came into this world and stole our hearts.  One day, one of our Spanish bayonet yucca plants pierced my hand ~it actually hit a vein and blood was oozing!  I went into the house and Zach saw my hand and immediately said, “Mom, let me help you!  I am a Boy Scout and I learned how to fix this!”  While I knew I was going to be all right, I needed to let him help me, as he desperately wanted to do so.  It was so cute how he got a towel and began applying pressure, explaining to me all the while “why” he was doing what he was doing.  That memory still makes me smile.  He loved playing on his drums.  He loved finding things to do when he was “bored.”  He was not afraid to try and do anything, because he loved to experience everything.  My garden was beautiful and full with Zach’s added splash of color.  But now, there is a little patch of blossoms missing from my garden here on earth, as my Zach walks with angels.  He is deeply missed from my earthly garden.  I am grateful for angel blossoms for they have taught me through the depths of sorrow that death cannot destroy the blossoms of a mother’s love.

I love my garden.  I love the beauty of all the different flowers for they show their different personalities…their own uniqueness.  When I gather all those flowers and create the most beautiful bouquet, I have created my family.  Each flower is sweet.  Each flower is extraordinary.  Each flower is precious.  Each flower is a gift from God.  I am ever grateful for the privilege I have been given to be a mother.  It truly is the greatest calling I could ever hope to have in life.

Below are some pics that bring me joy AND...IF... you want to keep reading, I wrote a poem just for my kids!  I love you all and thank you for being my greatest treasures. <3

These are my happy thoughts

Love at Home

Smiles and love

Big Brother love

Best friends

Zach loves Brooklynn

Showing off with the sisters

Forever friends, forever family

The Greatest Gifts From God Above

By Wendy Pulsipher

Once there were little hands

And also very little feet

Little did I know

How they would all make my life complete

These little people I like to call my children

Came into my life

With their sweet personalities

Bringing absolutely no strife ;)

The first to come was Chelsea

A girly girl to be sure

Her beauty and countenance

Are everything that is pure           

The second was Aaron

A boy whose imagination

Was vast and endearing

While running in his world of limitless creation

Then came Rachel

She is a beauty and so you see

With a genuine warmth and compassion

She embraces all humanity

And then came Zach

A little boy who began each day running

From getting into this and then into that

He made life simply for the “funning”

My children have since left my nest

And as adults have succeeded

At times I do receive a call

For some advice they have needed

Chelsea married Jeff

They’ve two darling girls that’s true

With one more on the way

They will need a bigger church pew

Aaron married Katie

In school they both are

Katie a PhD and Aaron an MD

I think they may both be total rock stars

Rachel married Richard

Also known as R&R

With being newlyweds and just starting out

They are on the path of life that will take them far

Our dear Zach left this life early

Leaving our hearts quite broken

His eyes, his smile, and his sweet laugh

Are memories of him that are my sweet tokens

When I ponder being a mother

The greatest gift from God above

My eyes spill with tears and heart swells with joy

To have experienced such love 

Trials versus Inconveniences

It has been QUITE sometime since I have written anything!  But, there is a very good reason as to “why” I have not.  Are you ready for a story?  Well, you are going to hear it anyway ha!

On January 13^th of this year, I turned 55.  I woke up with the flu.  So far so good, right?  Mark kept telling me that something stinks in the laundry room.  I went in there and could not smell a thing.  Then, as I passed the stairs that go to the basement, I got a waft of something~something stinky!  Being that it was 7am, I did not have my contacts in nor was I showered.  So, I began my descent to the basement.  The smell became stronger with each step down.  I reached the bottom step and then stepped down onto the basement floor.  It.was.wet!  The area rug was wet!  I was thinking, “what in the world???!!!!”  Then, I tiptoed over to where the guest bath was to see if that is where the water was coming from… “OH NO!!!!!”  It was not just any old water, but it was sewage water!!!!!  I was barefoot standing in a bunch of poopy water~I am still grossed out!  Yes… it made for a VERY crappy birthday!

To say that I had to have my basement upended would be an understatement!  They had to pull out all the cabinets, throw any wood furniture that came into contact with it, pull all baseboards, tear down a section of cabinets, take out 1 ½ feet of sheet rock, pull out shelving (which had ALL my food storage on), AND the list goes on.  We decided since this has become a mini-remodel job, of sorts, to get the basement floor refinished and to get our top deck repaired.  We are about 3 weeks away from getting everything completed.  I.will.be.so.glad/happy/relieved (I think you get the picture!). 

As I relate this story to many sweet friends, they have told me, “Man, you are having so many trials!”  As I quickly thought about that, my response has been, “losing Zach is a trial, this house stuff is merely an inconvenience.” 

Losing Zach has truly been an enormous trial.  I take one day at a time and press forward with every ounce of faith.  There are painful tears of recalling his death.  There are tears in missing him.  There are tears recalling sweet and fond memories of him.  There are tears for simply wanting to talk to him.  BUT, coupled with those tears are many smiles.  I can smile as I recall cute stories of him.  I can smile as I find things he made or wrote and cherish them more than silver or gold. 

As I have been cleaning out ALL my junk, I found several sweet memories.  I found a tooth Zach lost.  He had put it in this old little brass box.  I remember him wanting to keep all the baby teeth he lost in this little box.  There was only 1 tooth, his tooth.  As I marveled looking at his tooth, I recalled the sweet innocent happy little boy he once was.  Those memories warm my heart and make me smile.

I then had to get a ladder to do some high dusting.  I found this piece of foil scrunched up and stuffed into the top of our built-in bookshelf.  The memory behind the foil is one I will always remember with a smile.  I received a frantic call one night from Zach.  I could barely understand him as he was speaking excitedly fast!  We have had a lot of building going on around us and that stirs up the habitats for little creatures.  They search for warm places and places where they can find food.  The little creatures that had come into our home were MICE!!!!  They were coming up through this little hole on top of the built-in bookshelf, crawling along the edge, and down the fireplace.  Zach got the ladder, climbed up, and stuffed this piece of foil into the bookshelf hole to prevent any more from coming out.  As I was cleaning, I pulled this piece of foil out, held it and even smiled with a little laugh at this sweet memory.

I have been tackling just about every area of our home, de-junking.   As I was downstairs going through some bins, I found a “Mother’s Day” card that Zach had made me back in Kindergarten or 1^st grade.  It had been laminated.  I love his cute little picture!  I love looking at his handwriting!  I love the message he wrote me!  I love and cherish this memory.  It brings both a smile and tears.

Where getting ALL this house restoration work done is a royal pain in the keester, it has also been a great blessing.  Firstly, we are getting some things taken care of that have needed attention.  Secondly, I have been able to go through and de-junk.  I have made at least 12 trips to DI, and loaded garbage cans full, (I even had to borrow our neighbor's cans a few times).  This has been a PLUS!  Lastly, I have been able to find MANY sweet memories of Zach.  Memories that bring a flood of emotions, and all are heart-warming.

I am grateful for inconveniences, as I have come to completely understand the difference between them and trials. 

I am grateful for trials.  Mine has brought me to the depths of sorrow and has taught me to look up.  Mine has taught me to reach for my Savior’s hand so that he can firmly take hold of mine and pull me up.  Mine has taught me to never let go of my Savior’s hand and that He will walk with me every step of my life.  Mine has taught me that time is our friend and that my Savior coupled with time can help ease those wounds.  Mine has taught me where “real” joy is found, and how to truly smile from the depths of my soul.  Our lives are indeed an opportunity to create a beautiful masterpiece, one that we can cherish, appreciate, and have a depth of gratitude for. 

I am grateful for memories, they bring me sweet quiet moments of peace and comfort.  “God gave us memories that we may have roses in December.”  And, as Barbara Streisand once sang, “Memories, light the corners of my mind.”  My memories certainly are a light in my mind and to my soul.

I love his cheesy grin & LOVE that he ALWAYS signed everything

"Zachary Pulsipher"

Each of the students had to write a meaning to each letter in "mother"

This is what he wrote me.  The big red picture is supposed to be a piece of candy

The back of his card~he had to put a heart with an arrow through it

My sweet memory find <3

Another New Year, More Resolutions, and Senior Citizen Discounts

Good-bye 2013.  Hello 2014.  I have to say that I am truly grateful for this New Year.  Why?  Specifically, I couldn’t tell you “why.”  Only that a new year always brings new and different opportunities for growth.  A new year also allows for us to review our progress for the goals and resolutions made in the previous year.  When my son Aaron was home visiting at Christmas, he asked us “what is your new year’s resolution?”  Mark responded with “I am going to run the St. George Marathon!”  Me, wellllllllll, my goals are both of a physical and spiritual nature and I began to list all of them off.  I am not sure what kind of answer Aaron was expecting, but he rolled his eyes as in a “yeh, yeh, yeh.”  Ha!  This is perhaps “why” I don’t ever really share my goals as they really only pertain to me, and how I can improve myself.  And, the bottom line is that is all that matters.

However, this year is a landmark year for me.  Ahhhh…why, you ask?  I am 55!  What does that even mean???  It means that I officially get Senior Discounts at SO many places.  I can get at least a 10% discount at most hotels.  EVERY Tuesday at Michaels, I can get a 10% discount.  5% discount on shipping at all UPS stores (this will help as I am mailing something to my children/grandchildren all.the.time!).  I get a discount at the movie theatre now!  I can now go the movies with my mother and we can both get our senior discount.  Do you even know how exciting this is???  And…I receive anywhere from 10-15% at certain restaurants~given only if I go on certain days during the week.  However, I can get a 15% discount at Denny’s ALL day, EVERY day!  Ok…I agree, Denny’s could gag a maggot!  I guess I will see how many discounts my "AARP" card will really get me this year...

Do I feel older? 

Hair:  I have to get my hair colored once a month with a root touch up every two weeks.  My hair is as w.h.i.t.e as snow, but I will keep coloring it as long as I have the mind to do so.

Memory:  I have found myself often repeating myself.  What do I mean?  When speaking with my children, I have found myself telling them something I already had told them about.  They are kind enough to say, “Mom, you ALREADY told me that!”  At which point I reply, “I did???  Are you sure?”  I can almost feel their eyes rolling on the other side of the phone.  ha!

Physical:  I do walk 5 miles almost everyday and swim a mile 3-4 times per week.  I know my speed and it is not in the marathon area!  I enjoy being outside and hiking with my family.  However, I am usually the super slow one at the end. 

Laughter:  I have always and forever loved to laugh.  I enjoy seeing my kid’s laugh, my husband laugh, my grandchildren laugh, and my friend’s laugh.  Since Zach’s passing, this has been a difficult thing to retrieve.  The reason being is that I have almost felt at times as if I have betrayed Zach by smiling and/or even laughing.  But, the truth of it is that I believe Zach wants me to be happy.  I have had a special experience where he showed me how he wanted me to remember him and help his friends remember him.  We found his banana chair video a few days after his passing.  When I watch it, I remember all too well how Zach found joy and humor in life and he wants me, Mark, his siblings, and friends to enjoy life.  And, this includes laughing.  I showed Mark a video last night and he busted up.  I thoroughly enjoy listening to Mark’s laugh as it is infectious and warms my soul.  Zach’s laugh was much the same, infectious.  It makes me smile to think about it.

Love this video as you can hear Zach's laugh after watching his good friend Andy eat a spoonful of wasabi

This is Zach's banana chair video~still makes me smile to watch

Five years ago, if you do the math, I turned 50.  That was a landmark year and the kids had all planned a surprise party for me.  I believe Zach was the most excited.  He had an extremely difficult time keeping secrets and I could just about coerce any secret out of him.  Mark and I were on our way back from Vegas, and all the kids and guests were busily preparing the big “50^th” surprise party.  Zach had called Mark several times and Mark kept cutting him off as Mark was really trying to keep a lid on the surprise.  I couldn’t help myself and called Zach and I proceeded to lie to him that Dad "kind of told me" what is happening.  I also told him that Dad said it was all right for him to tell me what was going on.  Zach’s reply was, “really?”  At which point, Mark (who was driving) began to scream and yell at Zach telling him not to say anything.  He was also frantically trying to take my phone away from me and almost sacrificed his Lexus ISF sports car in doing so.  Being able to reflect back on that moment in time, five years ago, I am overcome with mixed emotions of smiles, laughter, and even tears.  Zach is a gem!

Zach had to be right by my side when everyone yelled "SURPRISE!"

Look at his smile...makes me smile

Do I have any wisdom to offer any of you?  Not a drop!  I believe that each of our journeys is different and each of us has to find our way.  However, I challenge you to be a little kinder this year and witness how your kindness can transform you and those around you.  I close this birthday/New Year’s blog with a video from President Hinckley with that challenge “to be a little kinder” in 2014.

Be A Little Kinder...

And, as always, I need to include a song.  This one is by Sally DeFord-the video is kind of grainy...BUT listen to the words :)

A Believer's Prayer