A physical limitation…who said “I can’t?”

I just thought I would share a journey that Mark has been on.  Although I have been at his side through this physical trial, there has been many times where he has hit numerous walls that seem to limit his physical progress.  Yet, because of his perseverance, he has pressed forward with an undying faith of “I can do this!”  Mark tends to be a very private person and I am extremely… NOT!  And, because I am not, I want to share his journey.

In 2008, Mark was having severe neck issues.  His diagnosis was 4-discs, from C3-C7, that had herniated.  The cure:  4-level fusion.  So, in August of 2008, he was wheeled away for the procedure.  They fused those levels and placed a titanium plate with all sorts of screws to hold everything in place.  He was told his recovery time would ONLY be two weeks and he could get back to work.  (The “recovery time” issue is a story for another time).  Needless to say, Mark went back to cath’ing, call, and office duties…feeling the pain of it all everyday.

The next two years were extremely painful.  Golfing-painful.  Running-painful and near impossible.  Hiking-painful.  Biking-painful.  I think you understand.  Pain became his constant companion.  But, Mark was determined to run a marathon.  He had his mind set to train in spite of his pain.  So, he signed up for the 2010 St. George Marathon.  Then, training commenced.

Mark began to have more and more neck pain.  Not only was he having neck pain, but he was also beginning to have neurological symptoms.  Shooting pains down his arms.  Numbing.  He had been hiding it from me for quite some time when one evening he shared his concerns.  I told him he should get an MRI or x-ray.  But, do you understand that doctors are truly the WORST patients?  UGH! By that time, unbeknownst to me, he had already begun to research neurosurgeons.  He knew that something was really wrong—yet STILL didn’t tell me. 

There were many miracles through all of this, but the first miracle was that Mark got a groin injury that limited his running.  The injury became so painful, he finally withdrew from the marathon.  Finally, he had an MRI done.  The results from the MRI showed that there was something impinging on his spinal chord.  Then, he had an x-ray done.  The x-ray showed that the titanium plate between C6-C7 had fractured and that the screws holding that portion in had also broken.  The top portion of the plate was resting on the broken screws of the bottom portion of the plate.  If Mark had run the marathon with this injury, he may not be here today.  Thus, the groin injury was a blessing, and most assuredly saved him from any type of permanent paralysis.

Mark decided to call one of the lead neurosurgeons in the country and have him review his x-rays/MRI.  Because of the complicating nature of his neck/plate/screws, we opted to head out to Duke University and have that surgeon repair his neck.  Before the doctor would operate, he had Mark get one more test, a CT myelogram.  The results from that test showed that not only the plate was broken and screws were fractured, but the screws had acted like a file and nearly completely eroded away the C6 and C7 vertebral bodies.  What does that mean?  He had a hole where there should have been bone.  The doctor told him that he was less than a millimeter away from being a “Christopher Reeve.”

Consequently, off to surgery he went.  The doctor opened him up on the front side, placing a bone graft and re-fusing and repairing—and, they had to fuse him all the way to T1.  Thus, he is fused from C3-T1 on the front.  After finishing that, they rolled him over and put rods in the back of his neck for extra support—fusing him from C5-T1.  His neck’s range of motion had now been greatly compromised.  They also told him that he would never run again.  This was quite the blow to Mark.

However, at his 6-month post-surgery mark, he asked the surgeon, “Can I start running again?”  The response was not a resounding “NO!,” but a “well…you really shouldn’t.”  And, in the brain of Mark, that was his ticket to begin running again.  When he began running again, he didn’t go long distances.  And, every time he did run, p.a.i.n!

On December 11, 2011, the unthinkable happened.  Our youngest son, Zach passed away.  For Mark, running became a way to cope with Zach’s death.  Running became a way of life.  Running has become one of his passions. 

Mark told me he wanted to run the St. George Marathon this year.  Being the mean wife, I told him “no!” I had too many fears, especially from what happened last time he was training for a marathon.  Being the obedient husband, he did not sign up for the marathon, but he kept on running.  Mark then informed me that he WAS going to run the Snow Canyon ½ Marathon.  He kept telling me, “I can do this!”  “I will be alright!”  What could I say?  Thus, he registered, and for the first time since Zach’s passing he was truly excited about something.

This past Saturday, I dropped him off at 6:30 a.m., at Snow Canyon High School, where he was bussed to the starting point.  The race commenced at 8:30, and he told us to come back at around 9:30 to see him finish, as his goal was to finish in under 90 minutes.  Rachel, Richard, and I arrived at about 9:45 and feared we had missed him finish.  BUT…we did not!  We were standing by the finish line when Rachel said, “there he is!”  We got our cameras out and started yelling for him.  As I watched him run toward the finish line, I could not seem to contain my tears.  The flood of emotions simply overcame me.  Emotions of gratitude, of love, of joy, of conquering trials were all coupled with the thought of Zach cheering his father on to cross that finish line.  Even today, I can picture Zach with a smile spread from ear to ear.  For me, that is a sweet and tender thought.

Nevertheless, this was Mark’s triumph.  His training and perseverance beat the odds.  His commitment to seeing his goal through to the end taught each of us that day.  He finished with a time of 87:38, placed 83^rd overall out of over 1900 runners, with a pace of 6:41 per mile, and received a 3^rd place trophy for his age group.

Have the past five years been easy?  No.  But to see Mark finish that race and to be a part of that day, I would say that that was one of my life’s greatest moments. 

What do I have to be thankful for?  I am thankful for the gifts of pure joy.  I am thankful for the drive and the passion we are given to accomplish goals.  I am thankful for an incredible husband, father, and Papa who continues to teach all of us through his example of enduring faith.  There are many people I know and love who have particularly blessed my life.   Many of you, I call my family.

This is his x-ray of his broken plate...you just needed to see what I was talking about!

Mark kicking it in the last leg of the race

Yes, he was pretty happy about his accomplishment--as he should be :)

He was soaking wet with sweat, but I hugged him anyway <3

Trophy for 3rd place in his age group... GO MARK!

Live Like You Believe...  We all should <3

Of Candy Crush and Mush…

This is going to be a VERY nonsensicle post...get ready!

I have been doing a fair amount of reflecting lately…on what, you ask???  Simply everything!

I actually wrote a blog post last week.  However, it was extremely negative and thus I saved it to my computer, for my eyes only.  Writing can be very therapeutic and that particular #nevertobeseenpost helped to cure the angst of that day.  In short, I am being deposed as a witness to an accident and the attorney began to talk to me about “Pain and Suffering.”  Hmmm… I obviously have strong #nevertobeheard feelings about the whole “pain & suffering” claim.  But, that is not what I want to focus this blog post on today.

Oh Candy Crush---oh how I miss you!  I am a Candy Crush addict.  There…I admitted to ONE of my many shortcomings.  I had the game on my iphone.  I had the game on my ipad.  I even had the game on my computer.  With 5 chances per electronic device—I had 15 opportunities to get to the next delicious level.  By the time I would finish the 15^th game, I had new lives back on the first device I began playing on—I think you get the picture.  I found myself consumed with constantly beating the next level. My rear was getting bigger—not from eating Reese’s, Snickers, or M&M’s, but simply from sitting idly wasting SO much of my time on this F.U.N. game!

In order to conquer my addiction, I courageously gave the game up.  I deleted the game from my iphone.  I deleted the game from my ipad.  And, I deleted the game from my computer.  After I deleted the game, I received a text from my son asking me to hurry up and send him a ticket to move to the next station.  I had to report to him that I gave the game up. 

So, what do I do with my life now that I have given up Candy Crush and have ALL this time?  I amped up my walking up to 5.5 miles per day + swim a mile everyday.  I also refocused working on indexing and my personal family history.  Volunteering at Head Start and reading to these adorable 4 year olds.  I am cleaning out closets.  I also have so many food storage items that I need to inventory—I am getting closer on finishing that task. 

Is what I am doing now as fun as Candy Crush?  Hmmm…attitude is everything, right?  Yesterday I was actually praying to have a better attitude.  In fact, I was praying to have a Christ like attitude.  After my prayer, I came to the kitchen and stared at this HUGE bag of fortune cookies that a friend gave me.  She told me to pull one out and read my fortune whenever I felt the need.  Well, yesterday I pulled one out and this is what it said:

“You are capable. Competent. Creative. Careful. Prove it!”

Do I believe that the fortune was an answer to my prayer? Of course not!  But, it reminded me that we are ALL capable of accomplishing goals.  We are ALL competent to serve in whatever calling asked of us.  And yes, each of us has been given creative talents.  Your creative talents can be anything.  The synonyms for the word creative are: original, imaginative, inspired, artistic, inventive, resourceful, ingenious, or productive.  Ahhh… productive—I am working on being productive.  Likewise, the synonyms for careful are:  cautious, wary, vigilant, watchful, or alert.  I think I want to work on alert—being alert to those who are in need and somehow find a way to lift them.  Now, PROVE IT!  We are all in the “proving grounds” here in this mortal life.  It is up to each of us individually to find our way back home.  Is my compass always pointing “due North?”  Not always.  But that is the beauty in this life, I have the opportunity to correct my course—to find myself on a more productive path.

So, my dear friends, when you send me a request to re-join Candy Crush, please do not be offended when I don’t respond and join.  I am doing this for my own good! Ha!

As for “mush,” a quick story about Zach, Halloween, and carving pumpkins.  Zach wanted to carve a pumpkin EVERY Halloween.  Yet, there was one problem that lay before us each year.  He could not “gut” the pumpkin—that is removing all the seeds and scraping out all the slimy junk.  The reason he could not gut it was because the slimy, gooey junk inside would make him heave and puke everywhere.  One year, I remember telling him, “you are going to have to clean out the pumpkin if you want to carve it.”  I thought if I used a firm attitude, he would get over this issue he had.  He stuck his hand in the pumpkin, barely touching the slimy mush.  At which point, Zach created his own slimy, gooey mush—yes, he puked everywhere.  He was such a funny kid and I miss those slimy, gooey, and mushy times.

Have a Happy Halloween!

If only I could know what that ride would be like...

When I look at giant roller coaster rides from a distance, I get this uneasy feeling in my stomach, as I am somewhat afraid to ride them.  I, typically, am NOT a thrill seeking rider, when it comes to roller coasters, but naturally my children and husband manage to coerce me into waiting in long lines to embark on such rides as “The Hulk,” “California Screamin’,” “Xcelerator,” or “Space Mountain.”

Even when I was younger, my friends and I would go to theme parks and ride these rides that would usually turn my stomach inside out.  Being caught up in the peer pressure thing, I always got on and closed my eyes until the ride was over—missing every piece of excitement on these short, upside down, loop around, 120+ second rides. 

When Chelsea graduated from high school, we decided to take the family to Disney World and Universal Studios.  Aaron graduated the following year, and guess where he wanted to go?  BACK to Disney World and Universal Studios.  The kids were pumped to be able to ride these “totally awesome” rides.  We hit ALL the big rides several times at Disney World.  Zach was tall enough to ride the Space Mountain roller coaster and we had to ride that one several times.  That was the first time I managed to keep my eyes open and try to see what was coming at me in the dark.

We, of course, made our way over to Universal Studios as the kids were anxious to ride “The Hulk.”   Unfortunately, Zach was under the 54” height requirement and I graciously volunteered to stay with him.  I knew how disappointed he was and thus told him we could go over and ride “Dudley Do-Rights Ripsaw Falls” water ride.  I “thought” that this would be a fun ride for him…well, for me anyway—nice and easy.  We would glide along in this boat, get a little wet, and that would be fun for Zach and absolutely no stress for me.  Zach agreed and off we went to see Dudley.  Little did I know that, at the end of the ride, our log boat would plummet down a 75-foot drop—not only getting us a little wet, but soaked!  As our log boat began it’s 75-foot descent, I began panicking.  Upon our drop, the realization that we have NO safety restraints threw me into “RED” alert!  I leaned forward to put my arms around Zach to help restrain him (I know, probably NOT the smartest thing to do—what can I say—remember…panic mode).  What he thought was going to be a “super boring” ride ended up putting the biggest smile on his face!  He was ready to go again after that.  Me…not so much.  But for Zach, that was a great adventure!

We met back up with Mark, Aaron, & Rachel.  Both Zach and I were soaked and our day had ONLY just begun.  Zach begged Mark to take him back on that ride again, while Aaron and Rach pleaded with me to ride “The Hulk” with them.  Mark went with Zach, and needless to say, I went to meet Dr. Bruce Banner.  Aaron and Rachel both stipulated that we “must” sit in the very front seat.  Front seat.  Here I come!  After being properly secured with our safety restraints, the roller coaster begins its slow crawl up the ramp.  A voice comes on and starts screaming there has been a malfunction—at which point the roller coaster goes from 0 to 40mph in 2 seconds flat.  The kids were yelling at me to open my eyes-- so… I would open them—close them—open them—close them… I think you get the picture.  When I opened my eyes, I watched as both Aaron and Rach had smiles that spread ear to ear.  From watching Zach, Aaron, and Rach enjoy something that completely terrified me, I learned that I needed to keep my eyes open, enjoy that moment, and be ever watchful of where I am headed.  I learned roller coasters could be fun.  Roller coasters can be boring.  And, roller coasters can scare the pee right out of me—especially for someone my age.  Sometimes I get on only to realize I cannot wait until I get off!  Other times I cannot wait until I ride it again. 

Life can sometimes be just like those roller coaster rides.  I have come to equate some of those rides with my life.  But, if I truly knew what this ride in life would be like, would I have ridden it?  The mortal says “NO WAY,” but the reality of the answer to that question will remain a mystery.  However, there is one sure piece of knowledge that I possess, and…that lies at the end of this mortal ride.  At the end of this journey, there awaits a joyful reunion.  Because I believe that “families are forever,” the opportunity to be with Zach again is real.  If I thought for one second that “this life is it,” “I will never see him again,” or “this is all we have- here and now,” how could I possibly go on????  The answer to that is easy—it would be a hopeless state.  But, because of Christ’s infinite atonement, we have been given the opportunity, privilege, and blessing to be with our families again.  What more could I look forward to than to be with my family again?  I say, there is nothing more to look forward to than to be with my family again. 

You know the smiles that people have at the end of their ride???  Yes, I imagine at the end of my ride that there will be smiles with hugs, tears of joy, and a very grateful heart to the One who gave His life freely so that I may enjoy eternal happiness.  Eternal happiness with the ones I love…I cannot think of anything better to look forward to!

I couldn't resist!  Here is a video of "The Hulk" AND...

Dudley Do Right Ripsaw Falls