Well, this has been a week of milestones, of accomplishments, of tears, and of things to look forward to. I have found it interesting how we human beings have such a range of emotions—and how the smallest to the most colossal of events can stir laughter, compassion, tears—pull, twist, and stretch our very heart strings…that somehow help us to be sensitized (NOT desensitized) to not only our feelings, but to a world that has feelings.
Of milestones, well…Zach’s head stone was finally placed at his gravesite today. As I drove into the cemetery today, I could see across the way that it was finally here. Quite honestly, I began to cry, as it was the final thing to be completed since his passing. Words cannot begin to describe the wave of emotions that overcame me at that moment. I miss him. I will always miss him and that is all right. He was a bright light in our lives that will shine in our hearts forever.
Of accomplishments, I finally finished my English lit class from fall semester. I not only finished it, but I was able to finish well. I am still working my way through my Spanish class—but managed to yank my grade up to an A-. Through all my struggles from the loss of Zach, I have felt him helping me and encouraging me as he did before to do my best. I also want each of my other children to be proud of me, as EACH IS VERY ACCOMPLISHED!!!!
Of tears, my days are slowly getting better. I recently found a shirt that was Zach’s favorite. He had lost it and searched high and low to locate it about a month before he passed away. I found it in a suitcase that he used for the last road trip he and I had taken together—stuffed into the side pocket along with a pair of his socks. This seemingly small incident brought and eruption of tears—both of sadness and joy. Sadness, of course, because he is gone—joy and even a giggle remembering how he would forget where he would put his things—with a sigh uttered along with my motherly head shake.
Of things to look forward to, my list seems to be getting longer each and every day.
1) I will graduate on May 4th with my Associates of Arts. Yes…I am 53 years old and it has only taken me FOUR years to earn this degree. I hope that it does not take another four to finish!
2) I am working in the Temple now as an Ordinance worker. I truly get the biggest charge from these “seasoned” (elderly) workers who are set in their ways and expect you to perform your duties in the way they prescribe. I love to watch these sweet elderly people, who slowly climb the stairs, and who willingly and dutifully are ready to perform any assignment given them. I have great admiration for each of them.
3) My second grandchild will be born at the end of May—a girl. Brooklynn has named her “Karalyn,” and has called her that since the day Chelsea told her about the baby. Jeff, on the other hand, has other ideas for a name—Brielle. It will be fun to see who wins in naming her. I look forward with great anticipation in meeting this sweet baby!
4) Spending a week with Brooklynn while Chelsea recuperates from her c-section. Pool, waterparks, princesses, playgrounds, movies, naps (for Nana—she will be worn out!!!)
5) Mark, Rachel, and I are headed to Philly the first week of July to visit Katie and Aaron. Mark and Rach have never been and they are in for a treat! We are planning on going to see Coldplay while we are there (Zach’s favorite band). Fireworks on Katie & Aaron’s rooftop, Hershey Park, New York (shopping & a show)—I get energized by the East Coast and ALL that awaits us out there.
6) The Summer—I am just looking forward to the summer and having some down time—time to read some books that I have put off for so LONG.
Although I have felt immense pain at times, I know I am not alone. Each of us has experienced some sort of pain or loss in our lives—whether high or low on the Richter scale of pain—we have all felt that sting of pain. How we endure it, and how we conquer and overcome it is imperative to becoming a stronger, more compassionate, and certainly a more seasoned human being.
Well…that’s the wrap-up for the blog today
