Everyone has insanely busy lives, me included. Mine has become a little out of control. Without boring you with details, it has begun to wear on me. And it has worn on me in such a way, that the rock had begun to crack.
Ever since Zach’s passing, I have felt the need to try and ensure that everyone has been lifted and happy. While the loss of Zach certainly weighs heavily on everyone in our family, especially this time of year, I have always felt it essential to at least get Mark, my children, or Zach’s friends to smile. I try to recall some memory of Zach that usually invokes smiles or laughter or “he was so cute!”
This year…this year was different for me. I have been SO busy! Yesterday, I baked ALL day for a youth activity, as I really wanted it to be memorable for the youth and time worthy. I was so busy that I actually was not prepared for today, the day that Zach died. I didn’t have his flowers made. I didn’t go to the temple. I missed a lunch date with a special friend. You can play the world’s smallest violin now!
I got so caught up in my own emotions, my own grief, even feeling sorry for myself! WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!!!!!! WHY?? Why eight years? Duh! I know the answer to the “why.” It is as simple as this… I let myself get caught up in “me” instead of looking around me. This is where I need those “Wonder Woman bracelets” to thwart off those bullets of self-pity, of blinding myself to others needs, of not finding time for the spiritual essentials, and the list of bullets I need to thwart goes on.
I was in Costco today to get a few necessities. I am a “people watcher.” As I looked around, I saw an elderly woman out on a Costco excursion with her nurse and a family member. She was severely stooped, pushing a cart, yet I do not think she could hold her head up to see where she was going. My heart opened up for her as I watched her maneuver through the aisle past me. Then, I recalled being at the care center last night and seeing some of the elderly residents who just needed to hear some Christmas carols and have their doors decorated. For some of these elderly residents, it is a very lonely time of year. My heart opened up thinking about these youth singing to these sweet people and having a moment of joy brought into their lives. One woman came up and asked if we could decorate her daughter’s door that is in the rehab section. She shared the story about how her daughter had just graduated from high school this past summer with a full ride scholarship to a university. Her daughter had the world in front of her. And then, she was in an accident in the latter part of the summer that caused a traumatic brain injury. My heart opened up quite a bit for this mother and daughter.
Life is hard, and not just for me. Everyone has trials, and everyone’s trials are different. We need to cling to our faith. We must nurture our souls. We must find a love for our fellowman, and serve them. Surely, each of us must follow our Savior, Jesus Christ. He led the way, and he said, “Come Follow Me.” It is through Him that we can find peace and joy again in this life.
As for me, I simply just need to be better. I need to DO better. I do not need to look too far to extend my helping hand. And when those spray of bullets begin to thwart my vision, I need to remember I have powerful Wonder Woman bracelets made with faith and hope.
Zach… another angelversary has come, eight to be exact. I think about you everyday. I think of your infectious smile and your laugh that was so contagious it would make me laugh. I miss your hugs and chats in the car as I drove you to school or picked you up. And, I really miss our Little Drummer Boy. I picture you spreading all sorts of your goodness all over heaven with your bright and sparkling soul. This is my beautiful and perfect impression of you now. I send you special hugs and pray that I can feel an occasional hug from my angel.
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| Zach happy to hug his niece-Brookie |
Thanks Heather for this song!!! I love it too <3
