Rollercoasters...: September 2015

Instead of sending this to many of you, my friends, I decided to post the talk I have been giving in Ward Conferences in our Stake. Some of the stories, you have heard or read before. I used several of them for examples of how the "Atonement" has blessed my life.

Each of us face trials, that is one of the facts of life. I hope what I share below will bless and help you in some small way. Look to our Savior for His love, guidance, and assurance that all will be well. For, in time, peace can be found.

My message to you today is one of hope in brighter tomorrows.

In Luke chapter 4:18 it reads:

18 The ^aSpirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath ^banointed me to ^cpreach the ^dgospel to the ^epoor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to ^fpreach ^gdeliverance to the ^hcaptives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at ⁱliberty them that are bruised,

I would like to take a moment to share my testimony of the divine gift of the Atonement. It is through the Atonement that our Savior can succor our wounds to heal the brokenhearted, the bruised, and the afflicted. It is my prayer that I can share with you my testimony that through the power of the Atonement, I, personally, have been comforted and blessed with healing from the loss of our sweet son Zach.

I am going to share some photos that are very personal to me. Unbeknownst to us, a dear friend took many photos of the second saddest day in my life, the day we buried our son Zach. I would like to share a few of those photos with you.

As I look at these photos and retrace that time in life, I feel the crashing waves of sadness, grief, and intense pain. It was a difficult time to be sure.

Now, I would like to show you some happy pictures.

How do we get from A to B?

I want to testify that through the Atonement, anything is possible. Each of us has or is navigating through some trial or perhaps a tragedy. As we look to our Savior, He can bless and help each of us safely navigate through the most difficult of times.

As Sister Carolyn J. Rasmus stated in an address given at a BYU Women’s Conference in 2006, she said, “Christ stands ready with outstretched arms as He waits for us to come unto Him and be encircled in the arms of His love. It is here that we can be healed, nourished, loved, enabled, strengthened, and made whole. Although the trial may be hard and the relief may not be immediate, we need to learn to allow God to help carry our burdens. We can do this by turning to Him regularly to seek His enabling power.”

After Zach’s passing, the only place I knew to turn was to my Father in Heaven and our Savior, Jesus Christ. I have been so richly blessed, sustained, lifted, and loved through this trial. Enabling the Atonement to work in my life has required my faith, personal scripture study, constant prayer, attending all my church meetings, going to and experiencing the temple, and especially serving.

I must say that from the beginning of my trial, our Father in Heaven has not left me comfortless. As I have done those necessary things to enable the Atonement to work in my life, I have come to think of each of them as the necessary drops of oil for my lamp to keep burning. I have had many beautiful sacred experiences. Each one of us needs to do those things, to enable the Atonement in our lives to keep our lamps burning bright. When trials or tragedy may strike, your testimony will be your rock because you kept your lamps trimmed and filled with the oil that will fuel you through difficult journeys.

When I think of the parable of those prepared virgins, I think about what they did to trim their lamps to keep them prepared and burning bright. I’d like to think of them filling their lamps with the oil of prayer, the oil of scripture study, the oil of attending their church meetings, the oil of attending the temple, the oil of service, and many other oils that are pure and good for the soul.

The night Zach passed away, I remember laying in bed and staring into the abyss of darkness. At that moment, three blessings, the first of many that have come my way, came. First, a scripture came to mind from Proverbs 3:5-6: “Lean not to thine own understanding,” and “trust in the Lord.” Then a hymn came to my mind, “Sweet is the Peace the Gospel Brings.” And third, I literally felt the many prayers in my behalf envelope me in a blanket of comfort. This, of course, strengthened my faith. My faith is oil for my lamp.

The second day after Zach’s passing, it was apparent that the weight of everything was going to fall on me. From preparing the funeral, to dressing Zach, lifting my husband, children, and all Zach’s friends, I was feeling a heavy burden. In a prayer I offered that day, I pleaded with my Father for strength and faith to carry out all that was going to be required of me. I will never forget standing and feeling His arm around me telling me, “you can do this.” Prayer has been essential to my healing process. Prayer is oil for my lamp.

Studying and pondering the scriptures has been essential in my life. For throughout my trial, countless times a scripture has come to my mind and it usually has been one that has taught me and brought me comfort. And where I may have heard that passage of scripture before, there has been new light that has come forth from it. The scriptures give oil to my lamp.

Serving adds purpose and meaning to your life. As I was sitting with my husband in a Sacrament meeting several months ago, I recalled an event that happened shortly after Zach’s passing. We were actually in Sacrament meeting and the Bishop had stood to begin the meeting. All of a sudden, Mark, my husband, got up and walked to where the Deacons were sitting. That particular day, there weren’t quite enough Deacons to pass the Sacrament. Mark took a seat where Zach would have been sitting, if he were here, to help pass the Sacrament. It was humbling to watch to be sure. I remember watching Mark humbly and reverently passing the Sacrament. And to this day, I feel as if Zach was walking along side his father to help. Performing that particular act of service blessed Mark’s life that day, as well as blessing mine, and all those who received the Sacrament from him that day. Serving is oil for our lamp.

Attending my meetings, no matter how I was feeling, has been essential to keeping the faith and putting oil in my lamp. Paying attention to the messages and listening with the intent to learn has blessed my life. And on many occasions, there has been a message just for me.

One such message came at our Stake Conference last December, just for me. For whatever reason, in December, I had been struggling with the third anniversary of Zach’s death. I was not going to be at Stake Conference as our daughter was scheduled for a c-section that same week. While I wanted to help my daughter, I had this incredible feeling that I needed to be at Stake Conference.

I cannot even describe my inner most desire to attend Stake Conference, but my daughter needed my help and I needed to be there to help her. Little miracles began to happen. Chelsea went into pre-term labor 5 weeks early and delivered this beautiful sweet piece of heaven. I ended up going up in November to help Chelsea out as the baby needed to be in the hospital for almost 2 weeks. Baby and Mom came home and both are doing well. And, my prayer/desire to attend Stake Conference was granted.

At the Sunday session of Stake Conference, when Amy began to share her conversion story, I just knew I wanted to hear it. As you may recall, Amy is one of twelve children, raised in a Catholic family. Her brother Kris had come to live with Amy and her family for what would be the last two years of his life. He was tragically killed in a motorcycle accident. His funeral left her with no hope of ever seeing her brother again, and this is where Amy’s journey began. She had a wonderful family, the Kiel family, take her in and unbeknownst to Amy, she had all the missionary discussions. She decided to take the discussions for herself, but just could not commit to being baptized.

Her daughter, Lindsay, came home from school one day, and told Amy that she wanted to attend the funeral of one of her friends. Amy’s first response was no as she remembered how traumatic her brother’s funeral was. However, she had a feeling that she needed to come. Imagine my surprise to hear her say Zach’s name and that it was Zach’s funeral she came to.

Amy recalls that the moment she came through the doors of this very building, she felt something different, something that enveloped her. She then pointed where she sat and for two hours she cried. She said, “these were different tears, these were happy tears.” At the conclusion of the funeral, she then knew that she would see her brother Kris again. She said she “thanked her missionary on the other side of the veil” as she left. She was baptized nearly a month later on a day that just happens to be my birthday.

Amy also shared that Zach had been with her for three years to share this particular part of her story that day. She had never shared this particular part of her story before, until Stake Conference. She didn’t understand “why” Zach kept at her to share this part of her story until she met me that day. I knew that Zach wanted me to know that he is near. Also, I received a mini mission report from Zach of what he is doing now on the other side of the veil, through Amy that day. We most certainly have a merciful Father in Heaven who is aware of each and every one of us. Three years down this journey, I was blessed to hear words that brought me great comfort and an insurmountable amount of peace. I am so grateful that Amy listened to the Spirit that day. Attending our meetings most certainly can put oil in our lamps.

**(I actually posted her talk on my blog post on 3/10/15~you will have to request permission to view it, if you want to hear her talk~she IS wonderful!!!!)

I want to close with a personal story. About 8 years ago, a sister who was in the Stake Young Women presidency, at that time, asked me if our family would be willing to participate in a Stake Youth Temple Fireside—to be held at the St. George Temple. Mark, Rachel, Zach, and I were asked to all dress in white. Mark, Rachel, & I were to be standing by the temple as if we were waiting for Zach to come back to us on the other side of the veil.

The youth were seated on the patio facing away from us. Standing in front of the youth, Zach sang “Families Are Forever.” After our family finished singing the chorus, he crossed the bushes and came running into our arms and we lovingly and excitedly embraced him-welcoming him home. I had completely forgotten about this experience. It wasn’t until a brother and his daughter performed a musical number, almost a year after Zach passed away, that I was given the recollection of it. As they began their musical number, I well remember feeling as if someone was sitting next to me and whispered, “Do you remember when…,” giving me that particular memory back. At which point, I turned to Mark and asked “Do you remember when our family performed at the temple and Zach sang, ‘I have a family here on earth?” We both began to cry as we remembered this sweet and tender experience. Zach does, in fact, have a family here on earth and we will see him again one day.

I testify that by doing these small and simple things, by exercising your faith, each of you will be able to access the power of the Atonement. I am grateful to a Father in Heaven who hears and answers my prayers. I am grateful for our Savior, Jesus Christ, and His infinite atoning sacrifice that has succored me through one of the most difficult times in my life. While I still shed tears over the loss of Zach, there is healing. And several years down the road, we can take pictures that show joy, happiness, and even peace.