Of All the Fathers…

Karen, Pam, and I totally goofing off @ Chelsea's baby shower...
Mom & me...LOVE you Mom!!
Beautiful new Mom...Chelsea and Brielle
Yup...I am a Grandma X 2...But they call me Nana!!!

I truly have much to catch up on since my last blog post. However, I will make the news aspect brief:

1) Received my Associate of Arts degree~still trying to decide whether to continue on or not…time will tell…

2) Brielle McCleve was born May 17^th around 11:30pm. She came a week sooner than planned weighing in at 6lbs. 8oz. We had the pleasure of having Chels, Brook, & Brielle for about a week while Jeff worked on a big tile job in North Dakota.

3) Fully certified as an Ordinance Worker and I get my very own duties without further supervision.

4) We reached the 6-month mark of Zach being gone…

5) On June 18^th, Mark and I will have been married for 30 years…he has endured it well!!

6) We head to Philly in a couple of weeks and I am looking forward to tons of fun!

7) Dixie Regional will be lighting the tree in honor of Zach’s birthday on July 27^th.

8) Our next trip will be to Emerald Isle, NC. It has long been our tradition to go there almost every summer with our family. I am looking forward to going and visiting ALL my friends that just so happen to be going that week as well!!!

Now, on to the meat of this post:

With Father’s Day this Sunday, I thought I would share a few thoughts about the subject. I have three Fathers I look up to and would like to honor in my post.

The first would be my father. Garth Hayden Payne. His name does not get any more southern than that. He was a military man with a sense of humor that was unparalleled! He was an incredible example of someone who had a heightened interest in not only the protection of this great country, but also concern for our country’s prosperity. He taught each of us the importance of patriotism, hard work, respecting others, and a love for God. He also taught us that humor was important~and as Mom can attest~he was a very funny man. My favorite story is when we lived in Massachusetts and Mom was 8+ months pregnant with Scott. His cousin Roger and his wife were visiting us at the time, and Carol (Roger’s wife) was probably about as pregnant as Mom. Roger and Dad found a snake outside and proceeded to chase down two very pregnant women with it. I remember both women running as fast as they could to get away from them. Together Roger and Dad were notorious for causing trouble! I am grateful for a father who taught me valuable lessons that have helped me in my adult years~especially as a parent.

Of course, the man I am married to is one remarkable father. He has put our children first, even above his career. One of my most memorable moments was when Mark was doing his internship in surgery at Stanford. Chelsea was about 3 and Aaron was almost 2. He was doing a rotation in neurosurgery and I counted the hours he was gone in one week once—somewhere near 140 hours. Yes. He actually looked like a corpse at one point from the lack of sleep along with the demands of his training. He came home late one night (somewhere around 1 or 2am) and did not come to bed. I decided to get up and see what he was doing. I found him in the kid’s room—holding Aaron in his arms. After he laid Aaron back down, he picked Chelsea up and held her for quite some time. He then looked at me and told me that he did not want to miss out on his children’s lives because of his career. He opted out of the surgery program and went into interventional cardiology—because of his love for his family. No matter how tired he has been, he has always made time for the kids and me. The stories are countless of his sacrifice to be there for and help each of our children. Of course, Zach was the child he actually was able to spend the most time with because he is now in practice as opposed to training. He took Zach golfing, taught him how to ski, played baseball and basketball and went to all the Father/Son campouts with him. When Zach passed away, Mark lost his buddy. But, since Zach’s passing, Zach has now been the one to lift Mark and be there for him—they truly have a special relationship—all because a father took the time to be with his son.

The third father who has blessed me with everything is God the Father. Some have asked me why I have not blamed God for the loss of Zach. The answer is simple. Zach was God’s son long before he was mine. This is a fact I just simply cannot deny. My pain for missing Zach is tremendous at times, but finding gratitude in life and opportunities to serve—certainly helps me to look past myself—my own grief—in order that I may just somehow help someone during the day. Our Father in Heaven gave His only Begotten Son to offer us the opportunity to come back into His presence. Without this gift, there simply would be no hope~hope is certainly what gives me the strength to go on, the strength to do all I can to be worthy to see Zach again one day, the strength to have the faith necessary to learn, to serve, and to accomplish all that I need to in order to be worthy of our Savior’s great atoning sacrifice. Our Father in Heaven gave us an incredible Gift and I am eternally grateful to Him for loving even me that much.

One last thing…Mark and I will celebrate THIRTY years of marriage on the 18^th! Many of you that know me, KNOW he has to be one incredible man to have endured 30 years with me. I am grateful for him and to him for letting me just be me!

And that’s the blog for today…until next time…

PS: Here is a link to listen to a song that says it all about how I feel about the treasures of my heart~the riches of my soul~enjoy! You will have to copy the address & put it up in your URL and the song should load :)

http://www.defordmusic.com/mp3/therichesofmysoulbeckimadsen.mp3