Rollercoasters...: October 2012

Last week was the 10 month marker for Zach ~ it happened to fall on October 11, 2012 OR 10/11/12. I decided to take a trip North to Provo for a few days as Mark was going to be “on-call” and I simply craved seeing my Mom, my kids and my granddaughters.

Since Zach’s passing, I have experienced many changes in my life. The most obvious, of course, is Zach’s death. Through his death, I have been able to examine my faith, my priorities, and my goals in life.

As far as my faith goes, I am hopeful that you who read this understand that my faith is my rock. My faith is the one sure thing that brings me hope, comfort, and peace. I have never questioned “why” Zach’s time on earth was short and as hard as it was to lose him—I have accepted what I cannot change. Upon Zach’s death, I told Mark, “we have to do everything we can here in this life in order to see our son again.” For, it is up to us to prove ourselves worthy to return to God and be with our family once more. With this goal in mind, I have been working to change how I live my life—quite honestly, change can be VERY challenging. A quote I found recently, states, “your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.” My father always told me, “Actions speak louder than words.” Thus, I take one day at a time and work on pruning (changing) out the old to allow for the new blossoms. With that picture in mind, change can be beautiful—if we work for it.

Priorities…my priorities have definitely changed. Maybe even more so, my focal points have been adjusted. While my family has always been and will always be my priority, they have become the focal point of my life. I have begun a journey into my genealogy and working on locating ancestors. I have found one line clear back to 300 A.D. along with fascinating stories of some of their lives. I devote “X” amount of time everyday in either searching or indexing. I am trying to “use everyday as an opportunity to make tomorrow even better” ~author unknown. It has been fun to go up to the Salt Lake Family History Center and work on my genealogy along side of my mother (who just happens to be pretty pro at this!). Changing my priorities has helped me to actually see that there is so much to look forward to and to better appreciate the here and now.

As for the goals in my life…they are too numerous to mention and really irrelevant to anyone else. Suffice it to say, goals are a necessity in life in order to progress to the desired end result. Some have goals to purchase that new car, new home, or new big screen TV. Some have goals of simply getting out of debt—to own rather than to be owned. And for most of us, we have the goal to marry and have children and live happily forever after…this is one goal that will never change. While all the material goals will change as with the ebbs and flows of life, the family never will. Personally, my family is the source of ALL that brings joy and happiness into my life. Yes, Zach’s death caused many of the leaves on my tree to fall…and fall with many tears. This was an unexpected change in my life, my husband’s life, and our family’s lives. This was a change that was to test the very roots of my faith. As new leaves blossom, I understand and know that the roots of my faith have depth.

I will end this post with a quote by William “Harvey” Jett:

“Doubt sees the obstacles. Faith sees the way. Doubt sees the darkest night. Faith sees the day. Doubt dreads to take a step. Faith soars high. Doubt questions "Who believes?" Faith answers "I"”

Also, here is a link to a song that I love

Live Like You Believe

Natalie, Rachel, & Alyssa after church