Rollercoasters...: December 2013

I ask you “where” is the magic in Christmas? …and, “how” can I find it???? Two years ago, two weeks before Christmas, our adorable son Zach passed away. For me, Christmas has always been full of joy, magic, and love. But, on December 11, 2011, the magic seemed to disappear when Zach left this mortal existence.

I felt as if:

I had been sucker punched in the stomach.

The wind was completely taken out of my sails.

The candles flickered and then blew out.

I had an emptiness that could not be filled.

A hole in my heart that was central to the wound in my soul.

Although the house was decorated for Christmas, December 25, 2011 was just not the same without Zach here. How could it be? I didn’t have any gifts wrapped and ended up just putting them under the tree “as is.” As you can imagine, we had a very solemn Christmas that year.

I share this next bit of information with you NOT for sympathy, but to lead you on in my quest to find the “magic” in Christmas. As for Christmas this year, I will be spending it ALL alone. Each of our married children will be at their spouse’s family’s homes, AND…Mark is on ER call~which means I will be lucky if I get to see him at all. So, I ask you again, “where is the magic of Christmas?”

I have shed many tears since Zach’s passing. There is not a day that goes by when I don’t have thoughts of him. Tears have become my friend. I have found that tears are healing. I cry because I have so much love in my heart for my son and mostly because I miss him. My tears are in fact tears of a mother’s love.

To begin with, I decided, after Zach’s passing, to start looking around me with the aid of my very special “seeing” glasses. They assist me with the ability to see past the superficial surface and at times into some of the most precious hearts of those I have become friends with. I need to feel compassion for others. I need to take notice of people and their circumstances. In order to reach those feelings (feelings that I believe to reside in each of us), I need to pay careful attention and listen to the “spirit” of it all.

For instance, I work with a woman who not only faced a divorce many years ago, but also has been forgotten by many of her children. She lives alone and more than likely will be alone on Christmas day. By the world’s standards, she doesn’t have much. However, what she possesses is the spirit of hope and love. She always wears a smile; a smile that I know comes from deep within, despite her pain. Her motto is that “tomorrow will be even better than today.” And…she believes it with ALL her heart. She truly has that “hope for a brighter tomorrow” spirit.

Another place, I have found great healing, magic, and wonder, is with my young 3-4 year old Head Start children. As I enter the classroom to read stories to my young friends, the magic of imagination, love, and friendship simply envelope me. In fact, I am met with the loudest “WENDY!” I love to make the stories I read to them come to life. From either getting them to clap or to chanting a line, I simply enjoy seeing them immersed in the magic of whatever story I read. In fact, when I am done reading, I have 10-15 3/4-year olds dog piling me in a “group hug.” Typically, they beg me to stay and eat lunch with them. And as I leave, they rush to give me one last hug. When I see their loving-twinkly eyes, I witness something magical and feel of their sweet innocence and love.

And then…there are gingerbread houses. For Special Needs Mutual, I was asked to make gingerbread houses so that the girls can decorate them for Christmas. As of yesterday, I have made 80 of them…to be decorated next Thursday. I have had many friends say, “WHY?” Why, you ask? Because I have a good friend (Linda), who taught me, that gingerbread houses are a great tradition for Christmas; of course a home is a magical place. Some years, I only make 20, others 80. For you see, the magic happens when I am baking. I carefully roll out the dough then cut each piece with love. I gingerly (no pun intended) put the pieces on the cookie sheet and bake, repeating the process until the job is done. The magic heightens when the girls decorate their homes. Every house is decorated differently. Every house is beautiful. And, everyone leaves with a smile and a piece of the magic of Christmas that they personally created. The magic of joy and love is felt by all.

My granddaughter, Brooklynn, is mesmerizing. Her belief in Santa is enchanting. Her love for her “Elf on the Shelf,” a.k.a. Sparkle Heart, is endearing. When we put my tree up, she was right there to help put the decorations on the tree. I absolutely love seeing her eyes sparkle at the joy and wonder of it all. One can learn so much from a child, for they see with hope, wonder, and unconditional love. This particular Christmas magic is, in fact, one of the purest forms.

When Zach was with us, he brought magic to our lives each and every day. From the time I held Zach in my arms to the last time I kissed and touched him good-bye, Zach helped to create magical and marvelous memories that I will always treasure. And as in Matthew 6:21, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

I always enjoyed Zach’s excitement and zest for life. In particular, I loved how he would get excited about going to the park, learning how to golf, learning all those sweet Karate moves, making sweet music on his drums, passing the Sacrament, and even collecting Fast Offerings. I cherish our precious times of chasing, teasing, swimming, and taxiing around in the car. Recalling those wonderful memories brings me smiles, laughs, tears, and most of all a heart full of love and gratitude to have had such an incredible son who blessed our lives as he has.

Are you beginning to see? Love is truly magical. Love is the key to unlocking the magic. If we could do everything with love everyday of our lives, we would feel the magic of Christmas all year long. Love can open doors. Love can transform you. Love is magical. In truth, the magic of Christmas is found in every heart that believes in God, in every heart that celebrates the birth of our Savior, in every heart that desires to help and lift another, and in every heart that has felt the sting of pain yet chooses to follow the One who truly can heal and can lead each of us lovingly home.

Above all, at this magical time of year, Christmas time, I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who gave us the greatest gift of all, His Son, our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. Why? Because, He loves each and every one of us as it is stated in John 3:16:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Christ came into this world to redeem each of us. His birth is the most magical part of Christmas of all. He has provided the light and the way to return to live with our Father in Heaven and to be with our loved ones again. Can there be anything more magical than that?

May the magic of Christmas be found with each of you this year! I send my heart felt love and hugs to each and every one of you who have blessed my life and continue to bless my life. Merry Christmas!

"Be Still My Soul"~I love this hymn and it has become one of my favorites. I chose this particular video because you can actually hear and understand the words, as well as hearing a sweet message from Elder Worthlin.