Rollercoasters...: Trials versus Inconveniences

It has been QUITE sometime since I have written anything! But, there is a very good reason as to “why” I have not. Are you ready for a story? Well, you are going to hear it anyway ha!

On January 13^th of this year, I turned 55. I woke up with the flu. So far so good, right? Mark kept telling me that something stinks in the laundry room. I went in there and could not smell a thing. Then, as I passed the stairs that go to the basement, I got a waft of something~something stinky! Being that it was 7am, I did not have my contacts in nor was I showered. So, I began my descent to the basement. The smell became stronger with each step down. I reached the bottom step and then stepped down onto the basement floor. It.was.wet! The area rug was wet! I was thinking, “what in the world???!!!!” Then, I tiptoed over to where the guest bath was to see if that is where the water was coming from… “OH NO!!!!!” It was not just any old water, but it was sewage water!!!!! I was barefoot standing in a bunch of poopy water~I am still grossed out! Yes… it made for a VERY crappy birthday!

To say that I had to have my basement upended would be an understatement! They had to pull out all the cabinets, throw any wood furniture that came into contact with it, pull all baseboards, tear down a section of cabinets, take out 1 ½ feet of sheet rock, pull out shelving (which had ALL my food storage on), AND the list goes on. We decided since this has become a mini-remodel job, of sorts, to get the basement floor refinished and to get our top deck repaired. We are about 3 weeks away from getting everything completed. I.will.be.so.glad/happy/relieved (I think you get the picture!).

As I relate this story to many sweet friends, they have told me, “Man, you are having so many trials!” As I quickly thought about that, my response has been, “losing Zach is a trial, this house stuff is merely an inconvenience.”

Losing Zach has truly been an enormous trial. I take one day at a time and press forward with every ounce of faith. There are painful tears of recalling his death. There are tears in missing him. There are tears recalling sweet and fond memories of him. There are tears for simply wanting to talk to him. BUT, coupled with those tears are many smiles. I can smile as I recall cute stories of him. I can smile as I find things he made or wrote and cherish them more than silver or gold.

As I have been cleaning out ALL my junk, I found several sweet memories. I found a tooth Zach lost. He had put it in this old little brass box. I remember him wanting to keep all the baby teeth he lost in this little box. There was only 1 tooth, his tooth. As I marveled looking at his tooth, I recalled the sweet innocent happy little boy he once was. Those memories warm my heart and make me smile.

I then had to get a ladder to do some high dusting. I found this piece of foil scrunched up and stuffed into the top of our built-in bookshelf. The memory behind the foil is one I will always remember with a smile. I received a frantic call one night from Zach. I could barely understand him as he was speaking excitedly fast! We have had a lot of building going on around us and that stirs up the habitats for little creatures. They search for warm places and places where they can find food. The little creatures that had come into our home were MICE!!!! They were coming up through this little hole on top of the built-in bookshelf, crawling along the edge, and down the fireplace. Zach got the ladder, climbed up, and stuffed this piece of foil into the bookshelf hole to prevent any more from coming out. As I was cleaning, I pulled this piece of foil out, held it and even smiled with a little laugh at this sweet memory.

I have been tackling just about every area of our home, de-junking. As I was downstairs going through some bins, I found a “Mother’s Day” card that Zach had made me back in Kindergarten or 1^st grade. It had been laminated. I love his cute little picture! I love looking at his handwriting! I love the message he wrote me! I love and cherish this memory. It brings both a smile and tears.

Where getting ALL this house restoration work done is a royal pain in the keester, it has also been a great blessing. Firstly, we are getting some things taken care of that have needed attention. Secondly, I have been able to go through and de-junk. I have made at least 12 trips to DI, and loaded garbage cans full, (I even had to borrow our neighbor's cans a few times). This has been a PLUS! Lastly, I have been able to find MANY sweet memories of Zach. Memories that bring a flood of emotions, and all are heart-warming.

I am grateful for inconveniences, as I have come to completely understand the difference between them and trials.

I am grateful for trials. Mine has brought me to the depths of sorrow and has taught me to look up. Mine has taught me to reach for my Savior’s hand so that he can firmly take hold of mine and pull me up. Mine has taught me to never let go of my Savior’s hand and that He will walk with me every step of my life. Mine has taught me that time is our friend and that my Savior coupled with time can help ease those wounds. Mine has taught me where “real” joy is found, and how to truly smile from the depths of my soul. Our lives are indeed an opportunity to create a beautiful masterpiece, one that we can cherish, appreciate, and have a depth of gratitude for.

I am grateful for memories, they bring me sweet quiet moments of peace and comfort. “God gave us memories that we may have roses in December.” And, as Barbara Streisand once sang, “Memories, light the corners of my mind.” My memories certainly are a light in my mind and to my soul.