Rollercoasters...: A Bike, A Burial, and A Birthday

Two months before Christmas, Zach managed to talk Mark into giving him his Christmas present early, a bike. Zach’s bike became a memorial of sorts after he passed. Although it hung on it’s bike rack in the garage, there was just something so “happy” about that bike. Maybe because it represented something Zach really wanted. Maybe because I could watch him from the back patio as he would ride around empty lots and do jumps off little cliffs making my heart skip beats on occasion. And maybe just maybe because that bike brought Zach “joy.” How could I not look at that bike without smiling and feeling a morsel of joy myself? And then, there was this one time when I was out of town and Mark had a flat tire. Mark was on call at the hospital and needed a ride. He pumped up those tires on that bike and rode Zach’s bike to work. I imagine that Zach got quite a kick out of watching his Dad ride his bike to work… a bike that was much too short for Mark.

When we moved to our new home two years ago, I asked Mark what he wanted to do with Zach’s bike. He said “Let’s bring it.” And so, we did. We stored it in our new roomy storage room in the garage. After our daughter and her family (who lived with us for a little over 6 months) left, I went to clean up and clean out our storage room. I again asked Mark, “what should we do with Zach’s bike?” He said, “it’s time to give it to DI.” I packed up his bike and headed to DI. That was somewhat difficult. But with that “hard,” I knew I was now giving Zach’s bike to another young boy who needed to find jumps and find “joy.” I knew Zach’s bike would bring a smile and adventure to some young man. As fate or luck would have it, I happened to get behind a car that had a bike on a rack on the rear of their car as I was headed to DI. It actually made me smile.

Some may say I buried a memory by giving the bike away. That is not the case at all. Timing is everything when you bury someone you love, especially a child.

You need time to process.

You need time to grieve.

You need time to smile.

You need time to cry.

You need time to remember every beautiful and wonderful thing about their life.

You need time to be grateful.

You need time to be sad.

You need time to laugh.

You need time to find your “joy” again.

You need time to find healing.

You need time to serve.

You need time to celebrate.

You just need time.

It has been said “time heals all wounds.” I disagree. It takes time for a wound to heal. Some wounds heal quickly, while others take time. And after the healing, you are left with a scar. Some scars heal over nicely while others are sensitive and can be painful. My belief is that it is what we learned through the course of our healing. Did we take care of our wound? Did we put the necessary medicines on it? Did we change our dressing daily?

What did I learn from dressing my wounds?

I learned and came to understand that I have a Father in Heaven who hears my prayers.

I learned and came to understand that my Savior can succor my wounds.

I learned that prayer, serving, and going to the temple were the necessary salve for my wounds.

I learned that healing takes time.

I learned to never take time for granted.

Don’t go through life feeling you need to bury the past. Remember how you passed through the storms of life. Remember how strong you really are. Remember you can do all things with the help of our Savior and our Father in Heaven. Remember, time is on your side.

Happy Birthday Zach!! I miss you each and every day!! In time, I will see you again.