Zach’s angelversary: 12/11/11
If you are a parent who has lost a child to death, then you are keenly aware of how difficult of a trial it is to traverse. The journey through that particular grief and pain is and will be a lifelong process. I could list the ways that have helped me as I have journeyed through my grief, but I have already shared many of those in previous blog posts. However, what I have come to understand and learn is this… I am not alone.
Since Zach’s passing, I have met many parents who have tragically and/or unexpectedly lost a child to “death.” The losses have been from suicide, drug addiction, tragic accidents, or terminal illnesses. I have witnessed, talked with, and palpably felt of their grief. And through those particular experiences, I have come to appreciate and love these parents to the very depths of my soul. We have a bond through our losses, and I have personally been blessed and lifted by and through their faith. As I have passed through these various portals to witness the tragic losses others have had, there has been the great realization that I am not alone. And, these parents, my friends, are not alone.
Since Zach’s death was by suicide, I have had many opportunities to speak to youth about that very topic. When I hear of how many young people struggle with depression, their self-worth, with being friendless, or simply struggle with life in general, my heart aches for them. I want to offer my love and listening ears, to each and every one of these young people who are in the midst of their particular struggle. My young friends, PLEASE know this, you are not alone! I wished my Zach had known this.
Through Zach’s death, I have learned empathy. One cannot have gone through the experience of losing a child without gaining a change of heart. That change of heart helps us to not only try to become a better person, but also enables us to be more sensitive, compassionate, loving, and service oriented. It simply helps us to be a little more Christlike. I know when I am being observant of my surroundings, I find opportunities to do some small act of service. Those moments in time give me pause to reflect and recognize that I just helped someone to understand that they are seen and are not alone. And in turn, I find that I have made a new friend. And once again, I find I am not alone.
Life, as imperfect as it is, is full of lessons that humble us, teach us, and enable us to try to become the best version of what our Father in Heaven knows we can be. And this helps me to understand and know, I am a daughter of God. He knows me personally. His love for me is immense. He most assuredly wants me to know that He is always there for me, and to know that I am never alone.
Zach died exactly two weeks before Christmas in 2011. That first Christmas was oh so difficult without Zach there. That first Christmas allowed for us to fully embrace the Savior’s birth. That first Christmas allowed us to ponder our Savior’s life coupled with the many lessons He taught, especially through His loving example. And of course, we pondered His death, His resurrection, and His incredibly beautiful gift of life eternal. Within the Savior’s teachings lies the beautiful assurance and promise that I will see Zach again.
Zach, I love and miss you each and every day. I purchased a new charm, for a necklace, that has angel wings on the front with your name and a ❤️ on the back. You are our family’s angel, my angel. Because of that knowledge, I know you are near, and I know I am not alone.
