The Heart of the Matter Is…

A year ago, I started my journey into the “blogging” world.  I started in February, which happened to be two months after Zach’s passing.  I just want to thank each of you that take the time to read my posts—to those of you whom I know and love, and to those of you whom I do not know but love too.  My blog has been to Russia, Latvia, Germany, France, Korea, England, Israel, Canada, Columbia, and of course the United States.  I am feeling a little like “Carmen San Diego!”  Well, enough of the melancholy stuff…but…melancholy things usually involve “matters of the heart.”

Ahhhhh…but the things of the heart…I thought I would just share a few things that are the heart of the matter…to me anyway!

First and foremost, there is One who has helped my heart immensely through the hardest time in my life—my Savior.  For me, keeping my heart turned heavenward has been one of the greatest blessings in my life.  I have said over and over in many of my posts, and—I will say it again, I am ever grateful for my faith.  There lies within each of us the power to overcome and to be healed simply by taking our hearts to our Savior—He lifts, leads, guides, loves, and continues in helping to heal my heart.

Next, my children and grandchildren are a part of my heart.  When I look at them, I see and feel a piece of my heart running around out in the world.  The love I have for each of them is deeper than myself—even overwhelming at times.  I admit there are times when I miss Zach so much that I am not sure my heart will be able to bear it.  Quite frankly, I become heartsick.  It is at those times I will go look at his pictures to see his happy face, visit his gravesite and know he is truly gone from this life, watch the video of his life to recall those sweet moments in time that warms my heart, or sit in the Celestial room of the temple and truly know how happy he is by feeling his spirit near.  It is at those particular moments in time that I realize missing him is all right as I do love him with all my heart.  Each of my children has helped me to become a better person all because of love—their unconditional love for me.  Ahhh…to know my children is to love them (& Jeff & Katie that goes for both of you as well)—it’s as simple as that!

Now…as for my husband!  When people meet us, the question that is ALWAYS posed is:  “How did the two of you ever get together?”  Reason being is that we are polar opposite.  He is quiet.  I am loud.  He is shy.  I am outgoing.  He is serious.  I am somewhat lighthearted (ok…maybe a LOT lighthearted).  He hates to dance.  I LOVE to dance!  He likes rock ‘n roll.  I like country (& NO, we are not Donny & Marie!).  At any rate, I think you get the picture.  But, opposites attract and here we are 31 years later.  I am grateful he puts up with me!  NO!!  Seriously…he really does!!  He has endured me putting on a superman cape as I ran around Priesthood/Relief Society advertising “Super Saturday.” (PS: it worked—we had a record # of sisters show up).  He has also endured my many other antics, where he just covered his eyes and said, “Wake me when it’s over!” HA!  The stories go on and on and on.  I am truly grateful that we have joined our hands and hearts through our journey of joy, family, schooling, life, and even through the tragic loss of Zach.  Our “rollercoaster” ride has had ups and downs, but we sit together, hand in hand, all along the way.

Last but not least:  Never say never!!!  Thirty-one years ago, Mark challenged me to come to Utah to visit him.  I was living in California and had absolutely NO interest in: 1) living in Utah, 2) marrying someone younger than me, 3) marrying someone from my mission, 4) putting someone through school, and 5) getting married before I was 27!  The heart is truly a fascinating thing—it has a way of changing, especially when the opportunity for change arises.

5) I was married by 23—fell head over heels in love and had to break my goal.  Yes, it is love!  4) I not only put Mark through undergrad, but put him through med school, residency, and had 3 children along the way.  What was I thinking?  Yes, it is love!  3) I, in fact, married someone from my mission.  I always thought Mark would be a cute brother-in-law (and he actually dated two of my sisters—but that is a story for another time) as he was an incredible missionary.  We were good friends and you can only imagine the utter shock when we sent our wedding announcement to our mission in Korea.  (remember the polar opposite thing???---yea…) Yes, it is love!  2) I married someone who is 16 months my junior—yes…he is my junior companion!!!  Hahaha!  & Yes…it is love!  1) Honestly, I NEVER wanted to live in Utah—I never saw myself living here at all…ummmm ever.  AND, where am I??  I live in St. George, UT.  I am a southerner at heart, a porch sitter, fried green tomato-eating girl, humidity is my friend, and friends with every homegrown person kind of gal.  When you drive down the street, you wave.  Mark would always ask me, “Who was that?”  I would say, “I have no idea!”  That is how I grew up!  While I miss the south, I do love St. George.  There is a lot to love about it here.  I have found many homegrown friends and I am learning to appreciate the DRY desert weather.  I love that my family thinks of St. George as “THE vacation spot.”  I love the small town atmosphere, yet there are many cultural things to do here.  Why am I here???  Well, it is love!

Yes…the heart has the ability to encircle those we love.  We definitely need to be sure that our hearts keep beating for those we love!  While my life has not been a fairytale to say the least, it has been full of the things that matter most—my family.  I have become quite fond of this quote, “Every once in a while, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale.”  My life certainly is ordinary and it has truly been blessed and surrounded by extraordinary people.  And that…is love!

Kenny Chesney "Who You'd Be Today" 

click on this link for the song