Obviously if I am writing a little blog piece, it must either be Zach’s birthday or his angelversary. It is Zach’s birthday. He would be 27. We live in a time stamped world while Zach’s existence is neither marked by time nor naps nor bruises nor hurt nor pain. I believe the world Zach exists in now is filled with joy, with love, with peace. I believe Zach is with our Savior and that is certainly the best place, the safest place he can exist.
When Zach came into this world, he became part of our world, as each of our children and grandchildren are a part of our world. The joy that comes from bringing these beautiful souls into this world cannot be adequately described. But suffice it to say, “there was joy in all the land!” We had hopes and we had dreams for Zach. Hopes and dreams that are never to be realized, in this life anyway.
Zach’s short life brought us joy. His smile. His laugh. His hugs. His zest for life. His desire for friends. His desire to do well in school. His desire to share the gospel, especially when he collected fast offerings. His heart was pure. His soul, beautiful. All these memories, these moments, these incredible treasures of his life, I hold near and dear to my heart. They bless me. They carry me. And they teach me. What have I learned?
Where there is life, there is also death. The death of a child is oh so crushing and is intensely painful. And yet, somehow, we can surface from those crushing waves of sorrow and grief. While we begin to take those deep calming breaths, we realize, “we are going to survive this tragedy.” Like any wound, time has a way of mending our hearts while leaving scars that offer perspective, offer vision, and give us a brighter outlook for tomorrow.
Love. Oh how grateful I am to know love. To know it has no boundaries. To know the depths of love. To understand that love is a big part, perhaps the biggest part, of each of our souls. Love enables us to feel and embrace an infinite number of emotions. Compassion, concern, empathy, sympathy, joy, happiness, sorrow, grief, to name a few.
How grateful I am for all of it! I recently watched an excerpt from a podcast with Anderson Cooper and Steven Colbert on “Loss.” Steven Colbert said this: “With existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that. If you are grateful for your life, then you have to be grateful for all of it. You can’t pick and choose what you are grateful for.” He went on to say, “what do you get from loss? You get awareness of other people’s loss-which allows you to connect with that other person-which allows you to love more deeply. And, to understand what it is like to be a human being.”
Is it possible to be grateful for “all of it?” I believe so. I believe so because I am grateful for Zach. I am grateful for his short life. I am grateful to love that young man with all my heart. And while I wished he was still here, I am grateful for the many things I have been blessed with and the many lessons I have learned from his passing. I am, indeed, grateful for all of it.
Happy Birthday Zach! You are missed each and everyday. But today, we celebrate the day you came into this world and forever stole our hearts.
Love you forever,
Mom
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