1 next to 8 looks a lot like 18

When you put 1 next to 8, it looks a lot like 18.  Yes Zach, you would be 18.  As I have been uploading the pictures of your life, I have had so many memories flood my mind.  Memories of the day you were born.  Those memories of your little boy antics brought me smiles, tears, and sometimes frustrations.   But most of all, I feel as if I am staring at a piece of my heart.  The piece that seems to hold my deepest motherly love for you, and wrap me in those precious moments in time that leaves me with a longing to see you and simply hug you.

That angelic face

Always trying to be funny

Chillaxing in the recliner

When I look through the pictures of your short but sweet life, I marvel at how each one holds a story.  Each one holds a treasured memory.  And with all those memories of days gone by, I find myself pondering the many different things you would be doing if you were here.  Dating.  Graduating from high school.  Preparing for a mission.  Attending college (most certainly the University of Utah as you promised Dad you would go there!).  Marriage.  The list could go on and on, just as I have seen each of your siblings succeed in their progression of this life.

He actually gave the surprise away - ha!

He was so excited for my 50th surprise birthday party

 Many of your friends sent me graduation announcements.  I decided to be brave and attend graduation.  For whatever reason, I sat in this one particular section, in the row “P.”  I saved three seats, one for Dad, me, and you.  I happened to be sitting in the section by the stairs where the graduates would walk past me.  I saw so many of your friends.  I called their names and waved like a crazy lady.  Many of them yelled, “I love you Wendy Pulsipher!”  Oh how they made me smile.  I am happy for their success and feel so blessed that they would include me in their special day.  At moments when I felt as if a tear might slip, I felt you sitting next to me.  I felt you smiling and happy to see your friend’s successes.  I also felt as if you put your hand on top of mine, letting me know “all is well.”

Receiving his Arrow of Light~my friend Tanya got the headdress

Dropping Rachel off at college

18.  You would be 18.  With all the pondering of  “who you’d be today,” I find myself comforted in knowing how happy you are.  I truly find myself having the desire and need to make you proud of me.  Am I steadfast in my faith?  Am I serving with all my heart, might, mind, and strength?  Am I trying to help others who have faced the same type of trial in losing someone they love?  Am I being the kind of mother that makes you say, “Yo, that’s MY Mom!”?  I am NOT perfect, but as you, my angel son, watch over me, I pray that I am “making you proud!”  

Hiking Observation Point just a few months before his passing

Such a cute young man

He just had to wear these glasses that weren't his

Thank you for so richly blessing my life.  Thank you for visiting me in my dreams.  Thank you for being near and for those rare treasured moments when I feel you squeeze my hand or give me a hug.  Those really are the simple things in life that bring my heart comfort and most certainly peace.

My people @ Chelsea's graduation

I am working on your birthday flowers for the headstone.  I found “royal blue” floral pieces this year, your favorite color.  Dad and I will be sending you your special balloon bouquet with our messages of love attached.  Happy Birthday Zach. 

With My Forever Love,
 Mom

                                                       Who You'd Be Today

                                                                         Enough